Noodles or Death << Calabash (Episode) >> The Great Wall Race |
(MK is snoring in bed. Suddenly, his room begins to shake.)
MK: What? Earthquake! Oh, no-o-o-o. All my pwecious pwossessions. Huh? 9:01. I'm late for work! My staff, my staff, where's my staff? Staff? Pigsy's gonna kill me! Okay. Socks. Jacket. Bandana. Let's go.
(He dashes downstairs to Pigsy's Noodles.)
And I'm here. Pigsy! I'm so sorry I'm late. I overslept, and I guess I didn't set an alarm? Honestly, I don't even remember going to bed. And the earthquake, and-and-and-- please don't fire me.
Pigsy: Fire you? Ha! Why would I fire you?
MK: Uh, well, last time you said, "If you are one minute late ever again, you are fired."
Pigsy: I said that?
Tang: That doesn't sound like my best friend Pigsy.
MK: Uh --
(Tang and Pigsy laugh together. The world shakes again.)
MK: It's happening again!
Pigsy: Again? What you talking about, MK?
MK: Did you not feel that?
Pigsy: Feel what?
Tang: I think MK's got a real case of the Mondays, hmm?
MK: Hmm, maybe it's an inner ear thing? Oh, the staff. Yep. Uh, must be in there real good.
Pigsy: (Laughs.) Your staff ain't in your ear, kid.
MK: Oh. That's a relief. Wait, where is it?
Tang: On top of the mountain, sealing away the Demon Bull King and his entire family.
MK: Uhh, say what now?
Tang: You do remember, right? (Sighs.) I keep saying you work him too hard.
Pigsy: That's it. You're taking a day off.
(MK leaves the noodle shop in excitement.)
MK: My first day off in two whole years. This is a perfect day.
Crowd: Perfect!
MK: No traffic at rush hour?
Crowd: Perfect!
MK: Free shoes and cheese tea samples?
Crowd: Perfect!
MK: Beat all the high scores on Monkey Mech?
Crowd: Perfect!
MK: More free cheese tea samples?
Crowd: Perfect!
MK: (Chuckles.) You guys really are driving that point home, huh?
(The crowd flickers behind MK.)
MK: Whoa. What was that? Uh, yeah, something's definitely up here. But what? Hmm. Pigsy smiled. He never smiles. I got to tell Mei.
Mei: Hey, MK. You good?
MK: Mei. Boy, am I glad to see you. Please tell me you can see them too.
(The crowd fawns over MK's shoulders.)
Crowd: Perfect.
(Mei holds up her hand to shush him.)
Mei: None of that matters. We're gonna be late.
MK: Late for what?
Mei: Our romantic river cruise for two.
(The scene cuts to Sandy's boat, which is decorated in a romantic fashion.)
MK: Uh, love what you've done with your boat, Sandy.
Sandy: Isn't it perfect? I've finally figured it out. I felt like I really needed to cement what my role was in the group dynamic. And then, it just came to me. Boom! Romantic cruises! Okay, I'll be right back with the hors d'oeuvres.
MK: (Chuckles.) Mei, something really bad and really weird is going on. I think I'm losing it. There's all these earthquakes, and Pigsy said I beat DBK, and everything is is all-
Mei: Perfect?
MK: Oh, no. It's spreading.
Mei: MK. There's something I wanted to tell you, since the first day we met.
(The boat rumbles, causing Mei to fall on MK.)
MK: Mei!
Mei: I just can't hold it in anymore. MK, I...I... love you.
MK: (He gags over the side of the boat.) No, I don't -- I don't.
Mei: Wait! I mean --
(The scene cuts to two demons arguing over the Calabash in a run-down building.)
Yin: No, it's my turn. You're just going to tell him everything's perfect again.
Jin: Oi. You forfeited your turn when you told me they should be in love.
Yin: Oh! That was your idea!
Jin: But they're just friends. You should know that.
Yin: Well, there's got to be something about this in our scheme book. (He opens an oversized book with many tabs.) Okay, uh, let's see here. Step one: Imprison Monkie Kid in the Calabash.
Jin: Right. Done.
Yin: Step two: Convince Monkie Kid he's not in the Calabash.
Jin: Okay. We'll call that one "work in progress". Next?
Yin: Yeah, that's -- that's it. It's just the two steps.
Jin: Oh! We really need to put in more time into the development stage. (He takes the Calabash.) All right, all right, I can fix this. (Jin pitches his voice higher to impersonate Mei.) Haha, did I say in love?
Calabash Mei: I meant to say... I love being your friend. (Laughs.)
MK: Uh, you know what? I-I-I need to -- Uh, I'll see you later.
Calabash Mei: As friends?
MK: Yep.
Calabash Mei: I think I nailed it.
Calabash Sandy: Hm. Let's make sure.
MK: (He heads to an alley.) Hmm. (He trips and fumbles into trash.)
Calabash Monkey King: How you doing down there?
MK: Monkey King! Wait a minute. What are you doing here?
Calabash Monkey King: Ah, you know. Hanging, chilling. Monkey Kinging around. Uh, anyway, enough about me. What's new with you? You seem agitated.
MK: Well, yeah. I mean, everyone's got dumb brain! Pigsy gave me the day off, and Mei said she... loves me. I think I'm going crazy.
Calabash Monkey King: Ah, you're not crazy. This is all very normal. My power's just... so great. It's probably too much for your brain to handle. You're going to see some weird stuff. You've just gotta accept it.
MK: Accept it, huh?
Calabash Monkey King: Yeah, accept it. Apart from that love bit, it all sounds fine. Perfect. Uh, but you know, if you think about it, actually, maybe you and Mei would be... like a really -(He notices that MK has left.) MK? Gaw, dang it.
(MK returns to the mountain, where DBK was sealed by the staff.)
MK: This is fine, this is fine. I can figure this out. I'm definitely not going crazy. It's everyone else that's going crazy. (He sees the Golden Staff.) My staff!
(Calabash Mei appears suddenly behind MK.)
Calabash Mei: Hey, MK. What are you doing?
MK: Ugh, Mei. Uh, I was just gonna take the old staff for a spin.
Calabash Mei: Take it? You can't take it. If you do that, then the Demon Bull King will return!
(MK backs away fro Mei. He bumps into Sandy.)
Calabash Sandy: Leave the staff where it is, dude.
Calabash Tang: Oh, MK, you don't want that mean DBK to return, do you?
Calabash Pigsy: Why don't we just go back to the shop? I'll make us all a nice pot of noodles.
(Calabash Monkey King arrives.)
Calabash Monkey King: You can still have your perfect life.
Calabash Mo: Yeah, we can all just hang out.
Calabash Mei: Jin. The cat's not meant to talk.
Calabash Pigsy: Yeah, jig's up. Let's get him!
(They all fight. MK reaches for the staff, and the others pile on top of him.)
MK: Here... comes...
Calabash Tang: No.
Calabash Sandy: He's too strong.
Calabash Pigsy: Stop reaching.
Calabash Monkey King: No.
MK: ...Monkie Kid!
(MK grabs the Golden Staff escapes the Calabash. He returns to the real world to find Yin and Jin hiding in a corner.)
MK: Who are you?
Jin: We're your worst nightmare. Jin.
Yin: Yin.
Jin: The Gold and Silver Demons!
Yin: Mate, it's silver and gold. Silver and gold.
Jin: I'm not having this conversation again. It's gold and silver.
MK: Okay, got it. You're demons. Uh, what am I doing here?
Yin: We heard about the great Monkie Kid and knew that you would be a worthy adversary.
Jin: Yes. And through cunning and guile, we called out to you, and you foolishly... answered.
(Flashback. MK is delivering noodles to Yin and Jin.)
Past Jin: Who is it?
Past MK: Pigsy's Noodles, home of the world's longest --
Past Yin: He has to answer to his name, remember?
Past Jin: Oh, yeah. (clears his throat.) This app thingy says you have to identify yourself. Is your name "MK"?
Past MK: Uh, well, I'm currently going by MK, but it used to be --
(MK is sucked into the Calabash.)
(Return to present.)
Jin: The Calabash was supposed to contain you forever!
Yin: At least until we figured out step three.
Jin: Right. Uh, but instead, we'll have to destroy you the good old-fashioned way.
MK: (Sighs.) Fine! (He draws out the Golden Staff.) I feel like a fight.
Jin: Um, I think he knows we're bluffing.
Yin: Oh, I just figured out step three.
Yin and Jin: Smoke bomb. (They throw down twin smoke bombs and escape to an exit away from MK.)
Jin: (Laughs.) We're the greatest tricksters.
Yin: Ever!
(MK returns to Pigsy's Noodles again.)
MK: Um, Mei? Mr. Tang?
Pigsy: Where have you been, MK? I've got --
MK: Pigsy. Wait, is it?
Pigsy: If you don't get your hands off me, you're fired!
MK: It is you. Oh-ho-ho-ho, my sweet Pigsy. (Sobbing.) Pigsy, it is you!
Pigsy: Uh, what's happening?
MK Sorry. It's just... I'm just really glad none of you are perfect.
Pigsy, Tang, and Mei: What?!
Pigsy: What are you talking about? This job's the most perfect thing you're ever going to get!
Tang: I so too am perfect. You've got dumb brain. That's what you've got!
Mei: Wow. I'm going to reset your Monkey Mech character. How about that?!
(Pigsy, Tang, and Mei dissolve into argument. MK sighs contentedly.)
MK: Perfect.