| Calabash << The Great Wall Race >> Impossible Delivery |
(A montage of racecars are seen driving around for the Great Wall Race.)
Commentator: Once a year, this city becomes more than a city. Once a year, these streets... become more than streets. This year... the winner will become... immortal!
(The camera cuts and zooms out to show a giant trophy shaped as a Peach of Immortality. It then fades to a television screen. MK and Mei gasp.)
MK: A Peach of Immortality!
Pigsy: Uh, Peach of what now?
(MK and Mei start ranting at Pigsy for not knowing what the Peaches of Immortality are. Tang clears his throat and interrupts the conversation.)
Tang: If you'll allow me. Legend says there is a sacred field of trees which grows in the Heavenly Realm, protected by the gods themselves. Every few thousand years, these trees bring forth the Peaches of Immortality. Against the wishes of the Heavenly Host, the Monkey King took them all, making himself immortal!
Pigsy: Hold up. I thought Monkey King was already immortal.
Mei: Piggy, you're missing the point! Whoever wins this race will...
(The screen transitions from the TV screen showing the commercial to Red Son holding an advertisement for the race.)
Red Son: Live forever! A-Are you two even listening?
Princess Iron Fan: Uh... something about peaches? Look, your schemes are quaint, but I never much cared for stone fruit.
Red Son: But... the peaches are powerful!
Princess Iron Fan: Like the Weather Station was powerful? Why don't you just run along, hmm? Can't you see Mommy and Daddy have important business with an ancient power source.
Red Son: Fine! You two stay here in your hole digging your "mysterious power source." Ugh, I am going to win the race, and when I get that peach, I'm not sharing!
Demon Bull King: Foolish boy. If I were to race, I would crush him!
Princess Iron Fan: It would be wrong of us to shatter our son's ambitions. That's far too cruel! Even for demons. (Both of them devilishly laugh.)
MK: This is huge! Those other racers won't stand a chance!
Mei: Right? I know the track like the back of my hand! The back alleys, the front alleys, the sideway alleys. All the alleys! I was made for this!
MK: Yep! I'm totally gonna win this thing.
Mei: Wait, what? You're not racing. I'm racing. You've been watching me train for months! This should not be a surprise.
MK: Oh, yeah, uh, I just thought you were doing that stuff for me. (Mei growls.) But upon reflection, that doesn't make much sense.
Mei: How would you even— Ugh! There is no way you'd beat me.
MK: Uh, I so too could beat you. I'm a delivery boy, pretty sure I know how to drive real good.
Mei: Pfft.
(MK and Mei stop Tang leaving the noodle shop with a small flag.)
MK: Mr. Tang, who's the better driver? Mei or me? (He notices the Mei flag Tang has.)
Tang: This is very uncomfortable. (He runs off.)
MK: Gah, whatever! I'm absolutely gonna win!
Mei: How? You know you need a vehicle to race, right?
MK: Oh, I've got a vehicle.
(The contestants are at the start of the Great Wall Race.)
Commentator: We're now just minutes away from the start of the race as the drivers make their final preparations! (MK crashes in and joins Mei at the start line.)
MK: Oh, hi, Mei. Didn't see you there.
Mei: You're really gonna do this? You're really gonna try and race me?
Jin: Yeah! And so are we! Monkie Kid! It's your worst enemies, Jin!
Yin: And Yin!
Jin and Yin: The Gold and Silver Demons!
Mei: You don't even know the track!
MK: I've got Monkey King powers! I think I'll be fine.
Red Son: Can you peasants be quiet?! I'm trying to get in the zone.
(Suddenly, a huge dump truck arrives. Everyone except Mei, MK, and Red Son runs away, screaming.)
Yin: Oh! It looks like we've got some last minute scratches as DBK and Iron Fan join the race.
Jin: Yeah, and, totally unrelated, we're the new commentators. And, to spice things up, we've gone ahead and altered the race track!
Mei and MK: What?!
Yin: That's right! Here's your start line. Here's your finish line. Get there any way you like.
Jin: On your marks!
Mei: Hold on!
Yin: Get set!
Red Son: Wait, what?
Jin and Yin: Go! (DBK blows past the others.)
Princess Iron Fan: Sorry darling! We'll meet you at the finish line, hmm? (She laughs.)
MK: (He drives off.) Yeah. I'll... see you at the finish line! (Mei and Red Son take off afterwards.)
Red Son: Get back here!
Yin: And it's become immediately apparent that some drivers are better than others! (MK and Mei squeeze in a turn.) Oh! That is a very sharp corner!
Red Son: (He laughs at his parents.) My victory is assured! You're never going to make this turn!
Demon Bull King: I turn for no one! (He slams down on the pedal and drives straight into the mountain.)
Jin: Ooh... They are literally driving through the mountain! It's a bold move.
Yin: Very ambitious. So... I guess we'll catch up with them... On the other side of the mountain?
Red Son: Get out of my way, noodle boy!
MK: Never! (Mei and Red Son zoom around MK.) Hey! No fair! Here comes... Monkie Kid! (His tuk-tuk slows down and collapses.) I'm so stupid! "Ohh I've got Monkey King powers. I think I'll be fine." (He sees the staff.) Oh wait! I'm the greatest racer ever! (He uses the staff to launch himself up into the sky.)
Jin: And at this point, the only way Mei's not going to win is if some sort of flying fool were to crash into her from above.
Mei: Huh?
MK: Argh! Look out! (They both scream as he crashes into her.)
Jin: Yep. As I said, that's... (Tang and Pigsy sob.) just really, really unlucky.
MK: (He falls off his tuk-tuk.) Oh! (Red Son races around him, leaving him coughing.)
Red Son: Victory is mine, peasants! (He races off, laughing.)
MK: No!
Mei: MK! What did you do?! (She gasps.) My bike! Ugh! What is wrong with you?! I thought you were my friend!
MK: Okay! I did bad! I just... I really wanted that peach, and I guess I got carried away. Eh, you know how much I love stone fruit. (He sighs.) I was never gonna win though. You're the racer. Not me. I'm sorry.
Mei: Yeah, I know. Just ugh... (She playfully punches his arm.) Don't be dumb next time. Okay?
MK: All I can do is try! (He sighs.) I can't believe Red Son is gonna win.
Mei: Um... You do have Monkey King powers.
MK: Eh? Oh yeah! Here comes Monkie Kid! (He uses his staff to build the Cloud Roadster.)
Jin: Red Son has a commanding lead now.
Yin: Well, with all the other drivers basically out of the race...
Demon Bull King: This mountain will crumble before our will!
Princess Iron Fan: Oh baby. You have had such bad experience with mountains. (He roars and slams down on the pedal. A POOT emerges as they come out the mountain. Jin watches DBK sob on the monitor.)
Yin: Yeah. It looks like Red Son is going to win.
Red Son: (He laughs before something causes his vehicle to jolt.) Huh?
Yin: Oh! Looks like Mei and MK are back in the race!
Red Son: What!?
(They crash into Red Son. MK uses his staff to fix the car.)
Yin: It is all over!
Jin: Mei and MK win!
Pigsy: Oh, they won! They won!
(Mei and MK hold up the trophy.)
Red Son: Noodle Boy! You insufferable... That peach should be mine!
MK: Ha! You're never getting this fruit!! (He bites on it and falls off the pedestal, wincing in pain.) Ah... Ah. Ow. I don't think it's ripe yet.
Mei: Umm, it's just a trophy! We don't really get a peach of immortality.
MK: What? But... But... But the poster says—
Red Son: It says right there on the poster!
Mei: (She laughs.) It says you get immortality by having your picture projected on the great wall. (Their signature picture is revealed.) Duh! (She continues laughing.)
MK: Oh. So... The peach is a metaphor? O... kay.
Red Son: I knew that! You think you're so... Peasants!
MK: Wait. But what about the real peaches. Where are they?
Mei: I don't know.
(At Flower Fruit Mountain, Monkey King is eating a peach.)
Monkey King: Ah, stone fruit. If these didn't make me immortal... they'd literally kill me. (He belches.)